a grandma’s wisdom

I mentioned that I was currently reading “Girl, Go Wash Your Face.” by Rachel Hollis. I am forcing myself to not blast through it as it’s a fun easy written yet highly entertaining in the sorda way your grandma would have talked to you.

Rachel is barely 30 I’m sure.. and she’s mortified that I just compared her to a Grandma, but since she has FAR more important things to worry about I’m sure I am safe, however… if you read the book you’ll find wisdom from hard things and that comes with age for most of us… so grandma it is.

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I wish I would have thought to make list of all the things both my grandmas taught me. A couple that come to mind is if you worked all day for my Grandma Fork, pulling weeds in her gardens,  you’ll get a shiny new quarter.  A hard days work sometimes is more important that the monetary gain. 

My Grandma Spoon on the other hand loved having coffee with friends, and would only initially take half of the treat that you served her during coffee. And then later ask for the other half. A treat spread out makes the time you get to spend with people around the table having coffee last longer. 

Speaking of coffee.. I need to have a coffee time at the studio. Nothing on the agenda but talking with our faces out of electronics. We could play some records (they call them vinyl now. lol) and drink from our Correll coffee mugs. We could talk about anything but the weather and politics and leave as friends promising to make it a weekly habit.. and then accidentally never do it again because although it was fun at the time we didn’t accomplish anything but some sort of connection.. and it seems like everyone nowadays is connected anyways through social.  We will just make a Facebook group and get together there.

I also have no idea how to end this little post eloquently. Which is another thing my Grandma Fork was always so good at. When you left her house she would stand at the door and watch you leave, always. Even if you popped in for just a moment. She would calmly stand at the door and wave you goodbye until you were out of site. Life is a never-ending game of what -ifs and my visitors are going to know that they mattered and that I will miss them until we see each other again. 

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today.

There’s a spot in my being that just wants to curl up and shove away all the stuff headed my way. Ignore all the laundry, packing, repacking, planning and preparing for a mission trip to a country that my mom loved. My biggest fear of leaving something behind and not remembering it until I am standing in front of eager Jamaican women…who desperately need to hear audibly that they truly are precious and beautiful in His sight just might come true. The “detail nightmare.”  Working and planning in the land of “fog” just isn’t something I ever wanted to experience.

My grandma is still with us as I type this.

I leave on Thursday for Jamaica.

Those two realities that are creating such havoc in my being. Torn between my family and the Gospel of Christ. Or do I even need to worry about it? Prolly not. It’s the ultimate lesson in rest.

I was reminded last night that there is indeed a fog of grief around.

I needed that.

People just can’t function in that fog. Decisions come hard, and headaches are often. Life does go on, but you don’t understand how it can. Pizza night will happen again, and this time it will be without two women who used to be there. It’s almost to painful to admit what can happen in 6 months. Grace abounds in the quiet days and nights, but can they abound in the days and nights coated in a fog of grief? I search for it often. Setting my heart straight and limiting what goes in to my brain. An immersion in the Word.. words that speak life among the dying.

I was just beginning to feel like everything I type included death and so I backed away. I don’t want these lessons. I am kicking and screaming inside.. this just isn’t a path I ever wanted to walk.

Yet.

It has held the greatest blessing to my heart, and with that I can do what only today’s agenda is… today.