Babies started walking. Talking. Attending preschool. Kindergarten.
Little ones have lived through grandparents day, Christmas concerts, MRIs, surgeries, and learning to drive.
Teens have lived through senior years and started college, first broken hearts and cross country moves, One has almost become old enough to drink that bottle of wine with you legally.
Five planting seasons. Five harvest seasons.
Two business openings. Two business moving to bigger spaces. One impending retirement.
One marriage dissolved. One marriage started.
Days and nights seamlessly connect over and over again until one day we wake up and it has been five years.
I won’t sugar coat it one bit. It’s been a struggle to stay connected for us all through these rough first five-year without you. Death does that. Death does a lot of stinky things between people that makes it down right difficult in this state of “nice.” Death in the long run however doesn’t win.
Your heart looks back on all those goodbyes that lead up to this. Those first steps onto a school bus. Overnights at 6th grade camp Spending a week in a hotel cheering at state wrestling. Milestones on a journey that leads to this day of leaving your baby girl at college.
And you spend all day ignoring the last 3 minutes of a goodbye you have known was coming for 18 years.
It's that tug of love inside your heart that speaks loudest. The part of your heart where it knows its known. The why we were created in the first place spot. It's that exact part that is undetected by any human instrument that screams out, "Hey I am suffering here at the moment."
And you step back and realize maybe for the bazillionth time that it costs something to love and if you did love wrong it wouldn't hurt so much to let go even for a brief moment.